oh and lets not forget this weirdly shaped bracelet that kinda looks like a penis
its been on the asos website for a long time
and everytime i come across it, i think to myself
who would pay $168 for this peice of shit
no really please lets imagine who would wear this
who
who
who
someone
please tell me
which pregnant woman
in their right mind
would
wear
..
this
it gets worse wait
oh and just for good measure, here’s a couple more atrocities that i discovered
..
asos, get your shit together
My cousin and auntie were staying over at our house for the past week so I had to sleep on a mattress in my brother’s room, whilst they slept in my room.
This was fine by me.
Apart from my brother’s stench and the daily foot in my face (he claimed to ‘forget’ that I was there. EACH MORNING), everything was fine and dandy.
Until one fateful night, when my brother decided to go to sleep at 8pm. He woke up, fresh as a daisy at 2am. And turned the light on.
I was fast asleep so obviously, I wasn’t impressed.
He then proceeded to tell me that since he was wide awake, he was going to study in his room until the morning and that if I didnt like it, I could move downstairs. What an asshole.
Since it happened to be his birthday, I decided to cage my inner bitch and moved to the downstairs couch with little complaint.
Just as I was settling in, I heard his gigantic apeman feet thundering down the stairs and into the kitchen. Our kitchen and living area are connected, so of course, I WOKE UP AGAIN.
He had come downstairs to heat himself up- wait for it- a kebab.
Of ALL horrendous things to stick in a microwave at 2am in the morning, A KEBAB.
So not ONLY was I woken up twice by this sasquatch, but I had to endure this assault to my senses; the stink of a greasy, garlic filled kebab.
I was already incredibly pissed off by this and told him to fuck off upstairs. Which he did.
Until 5 minutes later, when he came back downstairs to re-heat his demon garlic sandwich.
She’s a doctor so we always have a whole lot of free samples from drug companies. It usually goes like this:
Mum, do we have any panadol?
Yep, in the medicine cabinet
Any penicillin?
Yep.
Okay, any viagra?
Yea-.. what? WHY ARE YOU ASKING?
*winks and leaves the room*
So for the past hour, I’ve been hearing REALLY LOUD scratchy noises at my window that always stop as soon as I came close and then start again as soon as I moved away.
Naturally, I started to think that I was going to die and I began regretting owning two useless parrots instead of a pet that could actually protect me, LIKE A DOG.
I was also freaked out because you know, I’m currently home alone and thats ALWAYS when monsters/serial killers/savage beavers attack.
Anyway, upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a fucking massive dragonfly that was desperate to get into my house.
I’m still scared.
So, I’m feeling kinda shit that I have to use crutches for the next few days because of my ankle. To make myself feel better, I’m going to list some cool things that I can do with them:
Noor, did you eat all the cookies?
Mum.. my ankle.. It hurts so much, I’m just.. just.. *breaks down in tears*
ITS OKAY NOOR, HERE- HAVE SOME MORE COOKIES
In the future, when people ask me what my most embarrassing moment is, I will tell them THIS story. Sigh.
Last week, Sarah and I were alone in the lift, so naturally we started to goof around. We started pretending that our hands were guns and shot at each other whilst making ‘pew pew’ noises.
For some reason (and in hindsight, I think I must have had a case of temporary insanity), we dared each other to point our ‘guns’ and shoot at whoever walked into the lift at the next level.
And who should walk into the lift, but OUR LECTURER? We didn’t have time to put our hands down and pretend that we were doing something else. It was mortifying to say the least.
And the look of confusion and just general what-the-fuckery that she had on her face? There are no words to describe it.
This show is a really bad influence.
The study that I was reading had a picture of a guy who looks exactly like Sheldon Cooper?
IS IT JUST ME? OR DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THE RESEMBLANCE?
For the past three weeks, every time I hit 240 followers, the very next day someone unfollows me. Is there some kind of ridiculous conspiracy going on here in order to drive me crazy? IS THERE? DO YOU ALL HATE ME? :|
Noor is becoming paranoid.
Anyway, I recently was followed by Juan (thank you btw) and now my follower count is equal again.
SO NOW, YOU ARE ALL FORBIDDEN TO UNFOLLOW ME. DO YOU HEAR ME?
Or else..
INSTEAD, I WILL CONSUME AS MUCH CAKE AS HUMANELY POSSIBLE.
When I was in primary school, I had a friend named *Nancy, who was pretty uh.. how to put this politely.. full of shit.
Nancy claimed to have written songs for the band Evanescence, that she had actually seen a pig fly and that she was secretly a Russian Princess. Yes, just like Anastasia.
I had weird friends.
*Name has been changed. Not for security reasons but because I’ve just always wanted to do that.
Guys, just please pleeeeease TAG your porn posts so that tumblr saviour can block it for me.
I usually sit in the lounge with my laptop and the other day, my mum was thiiiiis close to seeing a tit.
FOR THE SAKE OF MY DIGNITY, TAG YOUR PORN.
Seriously this shit is getting ridiculous, I won’t wait around forever.
I’m only joking.. I would wait forever. I love you Rupert. I LOVE YOU BABY.
When my brother and I were younger, we used to take the phrase “a little bird told me” literally.
We spent hours trying to hunt down this evil secret-telling bird that would always let my mum know what we were up to.
My mum also didn’t really help because she used to describe the bird as ‘small and rainbow coloured’
